About Email

I realize I have already posted but I was trying to check the email I had set up specifically for this account and I came to realize, my parents must have shut it down soo...yea if you sent me something i'm really very sorry I cant access it but good news is I have set up a new untraceable email called beperfectmiss@aol.com!

If you ever need anything let me know, I'm always happy to talk and could always uses tips or an ANA buddy so just message me :)

Just Wow

My Darlings,

My Sweethearts,

My Loves,

I have sooo much to share obviously being completely MIA, A. I LOVE YOU ALL! how in my time of being absent have i gained more followers??? this is...absurd... but thank you really. Also an explanation: I have been grounded. Everything completely taken away from me. locked in my room. forced to eat. no car. no phone. no computer. no music. no books. no freaking life. why must this happen to me??

Obviously, I am ungrounded and back in school! So thats exciting, school is great! C goes to school with me unless you didnt know that, her and Teasi are the only ones in the group that really do unfortunately! but its been good. doing great in all subjects of course but math...stupid calc. How am I in the college credit calc...if i'm failing it? Like not my normal a 89% is failing my genetics test failing! but more like...my last test my grade was a 63.5% on it...and I have to see her...thats going to be so awkward but I have to do it sometime tomorrow..sooo not looking forward to it!!!

Side note: this post is going to be long...i hope theres not a limit

GROUP UPDATES: JI...goodness so much to say about him, he has a new friend in town whos from Australia (foreign exchange student). who is my goddd!!! SO FREAKING SEXXYYYY!!! I WANT TO LIKE LAUNCH MYSELF AT HIM! C and Eme agree there the only girls who really know him but hes just ughowuroiewjf;lsj3wr....yea. but hes also a sexist pig who thinks hes better than himself, my plan get him to try and make out with him ANDDD shut him down. JI has found...a girl, now he did have a girlfriend for a while but when I got back from Scotland (details coming soon on that) he broke up with her...with in 4 hours of him finding out i was back. then...he hooked up with another girl in the group whom I really do love but...I'm no longer his center of attention and truthfully I love the attention I always get from him, its amazing and a huge confidence boost but i cant drag him along forever. Lu and I "made up" or at least she thinks we did...i dont know exactly what I'm going to do with this yet...sooo any advice on how to destroy a manipulative bitch's life...DO TELL :). Aussi goodness I love this boy, hes just all around just wonderful I enjoy it. and B...we'll she had a party on friday night but sooo much happened that day that i'm planning on writing about it on wednesday...i wasnt invited...least to say i had a great night at home while my friends were out partying!

ANDDD the ex...he gets a WHOLE new paragraph just dedicated to himself, isnt he FREAKING special! He got a new girlfriend, who is short and looks like shes 9...but in the cute i'm really innocent lovable miss perfect little thing kinda way. pictures just went up on fb of them. why do i torture myself by looking at them? But anyways hes all happy with her, hes at a new school, where my friend (who i believe to be gay and am almost positive of it) says that every girl is trying to get into his pants cause hes super hot and already the star of their football team. soo thats great. but I was talking to him last night actually and realized, i made this poor guys life miserable, which i realize was my intention all along but I stole in the end every single one of his best friends and hooked up with one of them! so...I'm gonna start inviting him back into the group, Does this mean I'm becoming a nice person?

I'm 138.

I'm fat.

I'm ugly.

And I have acne

I think i even have back fat

Literally...want to die.

Tomorrows food plan:

Morning: two cups of green tea

Lunch: 2 hard boiled eggs, fruit of choice, carrots, celery, and i'm thinking lettus with no dressing

After school: two more cups of tea

Dinner: Pinapple, Celery, Salad, Grapes (MY NEW ADDICTION) and of course...more tea

I shall tell you about Scotland and London tomorrow and how everyone there is super skinny and how amazing and sooo much better London Vogue is than American Vogue! and of course if i stuck to my food plan, I also need new running shoes...and the air is running out of my tires, i also have math corrections for my failure test due wednesday as well as a giant history project on top of my tons and tons of homework, play practice (which i'll tell you about tomorrow), and looking at colleges. ISN'T JUNIOR YEAR A BLAST!

If you have any advice I'd love to hear it, I've truly missed writing to you all. I'll try and get updated on all of your lives tonight but no guarantees as you can see, I have much to do!!!

Ps. Thin and a cute boy? ...If only life were this great

XoXo Soph XoXo

ICKKKYYY

I FEEL ICKYYY

ate sooo freaking much

ick

ick

ick

ughhhh I feel sickkk

I'll respond to everyones comments tomorrow! I dont even feel worthy of journaling right now, sorry lovelys! Hope you all had a better day then me! thanks so much for the constant support! I LOVE YOU ALL! STAY STRONG!

XoXo Soph XoXo

Diet Pills: Effects

I feel like they didnt kick in until later tonight because until tonight I was hungry ALL DAY! UGHHH SOOOO ANNOOYYYINGGGG! It makes me agitated too! (the hungryness not the diet pills), they actually made my more upbeat and ready to go it was like freaking speed! AAAAAHHHMMAAAZINNNGG...god I'm sooo obnoxious lately...whats wrong with me? haha BUT tonight I was with C and all of us were at her house Aussi, Ji, Lu (we talked...she still hates my guts) Teasi, Boy I dont think I've mentioned but Kye, and a bunch of random people randomly stopping by and I would smell the food and be REPULSED and they had these dougnuts ohh myy goddd there my one major weekness, one smell and I felt like I would puke, best pills ever?

Anyways so tonight besides Lu talking to me saying she isnt mad, but still hates me? and that she forgives me but she cant forget? I get it...stop saying it please and lets just freaking move on and be friends again! OTHER than that was awesome, went over to C's house at 4 lit candles had everyone over bonfire...AUSSIS GF BROKE UP WITH HIM...tried to hit on me some more. Ji's hug lingered to long had to pull him off of me by pulling the back of his shirt away from me. Think he was a tad bit upset/angry about that.....ohhh wellssieee he always gets over and tries again. Boys never give up.

I REALLY must get this gum that violet was talking about! And also Violet...yea definitely went to the store again today with C and considered stealing...but our friend works there and was hanging out talking to us. Also C definitely does have EDNOS she doesnt know it but she does, shes like 110 pounds tries not to eat eventually binges tries to make herself throw up never can and now wants my diet pills? yes....I think its safe to say we're on the same boat. Goodness i'm obsesseedd with that girl! Yes lulu we have to be 27 apparently, Midwest, Canada is lucky and they're cheaper there...sooo jealous girl! Hazel, Thanks so much! I actually have never really liked my name, and trust me that was just a good day, I'm normally not that good! but thanks girl! Thank you all you wonderfuls :)

I think I'm going to keep doing this returning comments in the next blog piece that way I can respond, its simply easier for me if you understand, sooo if you comment look at the next post for a response :) LOVE YOU BOYS AND GIRLS!!!!

Ugh loving summer, woke up again and worked out this morning, had half an apple, diet pill and took a shower, then had green tea, then work I had a rice crispy treat, and salad with no dressing, one MINI MINI MINI butterfinger bar...ughh so small it barely lasted me, went to hang out with C had lets see...handfull of chips, Oh btw guys like 6 diet cokes today...getting dangerous on the caffeine intake..., half a doughnut anddddd lots of green tea. I think thats it thats when the pills started to kick in I think sooo pretty bad day, I feel so full right now it makes me sick but I seriously cannottt make myself throw up I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME! like I've tried alllll the way down my thought (idk how to spell that...) but I CANT! UGHHH and its not like I can keep trying I need my voice for all the plays and auditions I have, of course my next play (the one for Europe) doesnt start again till the last week of july 24/7 then we leave August 2nd. Then right after that my second plays starts rehersal...literally I think its the next day I get back SAVEEE ME LOVES!

So yes, basically I'm obsessed with every single one of you and am sooo proud of you weather your having a bad week, great week, so so, stuck at the same weight, giving up, retiring, you are wonderful and amazing and you can get through this! and I will support any of you in whatever you choose!

I LOVE YOU ALL!

XoXo Soph XoXo

Got My Pills :)

Hello my beautiful wonderful amazing followers/random people who happened upon my page! Today was a....GOOD DAY!

reason #1: Looked at my ex's wall...girl telling him she tried to text him....hahahahaha ohhh myyy gooodddd absolute fattest ugliest freak looking thing I have seen in my ENTIRE LIFE!

reason #2: woke up had a cup of tea burned 200 calories in a half hour at the gym

reason #3: had a coke zero and some organic basically no cal puffs of chedder things and half a cheese borito thing. soo pretty good day when it comes to that

reason #4: bought 40 new tea packets at the store and almost bought a coffee maker to heat up my tea

reason #5: C comes home tomorrow and everybody was writing on my wall on how excited they are to see me and her! so yayyy!

reason #6: you all are just so amazing

reason #7: no drama night just layed around the house doing crunches watching scary movies eating organic puff things

reason #8: went back to the same store went up to the counter flirted with the guy a lottt went back got my pills told him they were for my mom cause he said i didnt need them and then he gave them to me...you have to be 27 and he knew I was 16. flirting can get you almost anything

LOVEEE TODAYYY

even tho lu has been sending me the most evil one sentence basically 3 word responses to my huge apologetic emails...I apologized I HATEEE that I hurt her but I didnt know that I would, two days before that she even tolddd me to hook up with him, why is it that girls never say what they mean? Its awful that we can't just be honest with one another, we're best friends TELL ME if you dont want me touching him dont FUCKING ENCOURAGE IT! I apologized and beat myself up for it for so long that I'm almost immune to it at this point, please just forgive me and we can be friends running around together talking to complete strangers and telling them theyre cute, meeting guys at 1 am at a church! I MISS THAT! GET OVER IT!

ohhh sweethearts I truely dont know what else to say except I send all my love to you and hope you're all doing well! If you ever want to talk just email me :) tryingperfection@aol.com!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

aren't I obnoxious when I'm happy and tired?

Sweet Dreams!

XoXo Soph XoXo

for the first time, I Feel Wicked!

Yes, any of you who at all know musicals know that line from obviously wicked. I'm a huggeeee theater child and while yes wicked is AMAZING and I love it to death it is not my favorite, my favorite is tied between a billion different but Wicked comes in a close second. I saw wicked tonight and it was as usual amazing! I love it! God I'm such a theater geek. Notice I'm not a gleek, yes I love the show but honestly....not that much where I'd subject myself to that name, sorry gleeks you're just not for me. One of my most embarrassing moments was mistaking Spring Awakening for Rent....yes I am a theater child...

Anyways sweethearts today I researched diet pills after seeing an add for Avila (I think thats it) on tv and decided to get green tea extract, drove up to the walgreens by my house, picked out 2 90 capsule container thingys and went to check out, waited in line, waited in line, waited in line, finally got to the front of the line the lady asked for my id and I gave it to her...You cant buy diet pills underage, quick fix? buy them online? cant...if those get sent to the house I dont even know what my parents would think but there'd be a LOT of curiosity. SOOOO bringing me to my point, anyone know of any diet pills that I can buy over the counter with being 16? On the bright side I did see the cutest coffee cup and although I don't drink coffee I do drink lottsss of green tea! So it works for that yes?

Lulu, in response to yesterdays comment, yes trust me it would be a huggeee judgefes! I think I may have even been judged not even being there! at least Ji didnt hit on me. Although he did realize today that nothing would happen...for the billionth time. Really, Ji, Sweetheart...get a clue I'm telling you nothing will happen. Please for the love of god understand that in your thick, how could you not like me I'm gorgeous, head. Silly boys, what am I to do with you? You drive me crazy...along with sooo many other things!

I'm so excited! Tomorrow I'm going to wake up early, drink my no cal green tea on my porch while reading The Power Of One and then go for a run with my dog! To me that sounds like a relaxing HEAVEN! AND on Monday C comes back from the lake! THANK GOD! I missed that girl! Life is so much more difficult without my confidant!

My Darlings, I bid you goodnight and wish you the best of dreams!

I may go watch law and order SVU now....Am I the ONLY ONE addicted to that show? ughh sooo intriguing!

All The Love I Possess

XoXo Soph XoXo

Super Long Post

Hello you amazing girls and boys! Have you been told I love you lately? cause yea...I LOVE YOU! The comments on yesterdays post made me feel a lot better and you all are so sweet! Thank you so much darlings!

Alright here we go....tonight I am spending my night at home babysitting, my baby brother is asleep in his bed right now and I actually fell asleep while babysitting and he tucked me in, isnt he just the sweetest? I'm so lucky to have him. While I'm here babysitting all my friends are at one of my friends house (his parents are out of town) partying and drinking. I was invited to spend the night at his house after I finished babysitting but I'm pretty sure its best that I dont go considering Ji will be there and will try hitting on me while Lu stands off to the side hating me. And no what I loveeee about the guy hosting the party and his best friend? THEY HATE MY EX they think hes sooo stupid and cant understand why I dated him. Which I dont even think they know but it makes me feel better, aweful isnt it?

C is at the lake with some girls who go to our school, theyre skinny bitches. Anyways I miss her but she'll be back on monday and then we can party it up again, shes another reason why I'm not going tonight, she's my constant support when awful with that group and we're both being judged. Why is she being judged? She hooked up with Aussi, I was there, but sadly he has a gf who then hated C but no worries they worked it out and everyone is friends again but still people will still judge her every move. Not her fault hes unbelievably hot. He's the type of guy who wont really kiss you first but he'll pull you really close and put his hands around your waste and pull you on top of him and pull you onto his lap and put his hands on your legs. I dont know why but for me, that is a HUGEEE turn on.

Ugh I can not wait till I lose more weight because I am going to get the CUTEST hippie dresses and I'm going to look so amazing in them! AH I just cant wait! I'll post a picture of all the dress's I want either later tonight or tomorrow for some reason my uploader isnt working.

I work in a doctors office and I adore my job, I want to be an ER doctor. I know its bad hours and low wages but I feel like thats one of the few areas where I really work on every part of the body and also I know for a fact that I'm not doing it for the money otherwise, really, what is the point of doing it? I work with many nurses who are sweet and funny I absolutely love and adore them.

I will be happy. I'm not sure when but I know eventually I'll wake up and realizes that things in my life are just going right. I cannot wait until that day comes because I still feel like things are falling apart in my life and I just wish there was a quick fix. I could just wish at 11:11 that things will be better and unfortunately things dont really work like that but I keep on wishing because if I dont have that, really what do I have?

I am running out of things to say but I really would just like to say thank you again for listening to my mental breakdown about my ex last night. Just knowing that you guys are out there makes me feel a billion times out there that I have people who support me. Truly you guys are the greatest and I wish the best for all of you!

I'm going to go watch tv before I end up falling asleep on my couch from my true exhaustion maybe I'll even just go to bed now, I'm soo tired! Alright beautiful darlings have lovely dreams!

XoXo Sophia XoXo