About Email

I realize I have already posted but I was trying to check the email I had set up specifically for this account and I came to realize, my parents must have shut it down soo...yea if you sent me something i'm really very sorry I cant access it but good news is I have set up a new untraceable email called beperfectmiss@aol.com!

If you ever need anything let me know, I'm always happy to talk and could always uses tips or an ANA buddy so just message me :)

Just Wow

My Darlings,

My Sweethearts,

My Loves,

I have sooo much to share obviously being completely MIA, A. I LOVE YOU ALL! how in my time of being absent have i gained more followers??? this is...absurd... but thank you really. Also an explanation: I have been grounded. Everything completely taken away from me. locked in my room. forced to eat. no car. no phone. no computer. no music. no books. no freaking life. why must this happen to me??

Obviously, I am ungrounded and back in school! So thats exciting, school is great! C goes to school with me unless you didnt know that, her and Teasi are the only ones in the group that really do unfortunately! but its been good. doing great in all subjects of course but math...stupid calc. How am I in the college credit calc...if i'm failing it? Like not my normal a 89% is failing my genetics test failing! but more like...my last test my grade was a 63.5% on it...and I have to see her...thats going to be so awkward but I have to do it sometime tomorrow..sooo not looking forward to it!!!

Side note: this post is going to be long...i hope theres not a limit

GROUP UPDATES: JI...goodness so much to say about him, he has a new friend in town whos from Australia (foreign exchange student). who is my goddd!!! SO FREAKING SEXXYYYY!!! I WANT TO LIKE LAUNCH MYSELF AT HIM! C and Eme agree there the only girls who really know him but hes just ughowuroiewjf;lsj3wr....yea. but hes also a sexist pig who thinks hes better than himself, my plan get him to try and make out with him ANDDD shut him down. JI has found...a girl, now he did have a girlfriend for a while but when I got back from Scotland (details coming soon on that) he broke up with her...with in 4 hours of him finding out i was back. then...he hooked up with another girl in the group whom I really do love but...I'm no longer his center of attention and truthfully I love the attention I always get from him, its amazing and a huge confidence boost but i cant drag him along forever. Lu and I "made up" or at least she thinks we did...i dont know exactly what I'm going to do with this yet...sooo any advice on how to destroy a manipulative bitch's life...DO TELL :). Aussi goodness I love this boy, hes just all around just wonderful I enjoy it. and B...we'll she had a party on friday night but sooo much happened that day that i'm planning on writing about it on wednesday...i wasnt invited...least to say i had a great night at home while my friends were out partying!

ANDDD the ex...he gets a WHOLE new paragraph just dedicated to himself, isnt he FREAKING special! He got a new girlfriend, who is short and looks like shes 9...but in the cute i'm really innocent lovable miss perfect little thing kinda way. pictures just went up on fb of them. why do i torture myself by looking at them? But anyways hes all happy with her, hes at a new school, where my friend (who i believe to be gay and am almost positive of it) says that every girl is trying to get into his pants cause hes super hot and already the star of their football team. soo thats great. but I was talking to him last night actually and realized, i made this poor guys life miserable, which i realize was my intention all along but I stole in the end every single one of his best friends and hooked up with one of them! so...I'm gonna start inviting him back into the group, Does this mean I'm becoming a nice person?

I'm 138.

I'm fat.

I'm ugly.

And I have acne

I think i even have back fat

Literally...want to die.

Tomorrows food plan:

Morning: two cups of green tea

Lunch: 2 hard boiled eggs, fruit of choice, carrots, celery, and i'm thinking lettus with no dressing

After school: two more cups of tea

Dinner: Pinapple, Celery, Salad, Grapes (MY NEW ADDICTION) and of course...more tea

I shall tell you about Scotland and London tomorrow and how everyone there is super skinny and how amazing and sooo much better London Vogue is than American Vogue! and of course if i stuck to my food plan, I also need new running shoes...and the air is running out of my tires, i also have math corrections for my failure test due wednesday as well as a giant history project on top of my tons and tons of homework, play practice (which i'll tell you about tomorrow), and looking at colleges. ISN'T JUNIOR YEAR A BLAST!

If you have any advice I'd love to hear it, I've truly missed writing to you all. I'll try and get updated on all of your lives tonight but no guarantees as you can see, I have much to do!!!

Ps. Thin and a cute boy? ...If only life were this great

XoXo Soph XoXo

ICKKKYYY

I FEEL ICKYYY

ate sooo freaking much

ick

ick

ick

ughhhh I feel sickkk

I'll respond to everyones comments tomorrow! I dont even feel worthy of journaling right now, sorry lovelys! Hope you all had a better day then me! thanks so much for the constant support! I LOVE YOU ALL! STAY STRONG!

XoXo Soph XoXo

Diet Pills: Effects

I feel like they didnt kick in until later tonight because until tonight I was hungry ALL DAY! UGHHH SOOOO ANNOOYYYINGGGG! It makes me agitated too! (the hungryness not the diet pills), they actually made my more upbeat and ready to go it was like freaking speed! AAAAAHHHMMAAAZINNNGG...god I'm sooo obnoxious lately...whats wrong with me? haha BUT tonight I was with C and all of us were at her house Aussi, Ji, Lu (we talked...she still hates my guts) Teasi, Boy I dont think I've mentioned but Kye, and a bunch of random people randomly stopping by and I would smell the food and be REPULSED and they had these dougnuts ohh myy goddd there my one major weekness, one smell and I felt like I would puke, best pills ever?

Anyways so tonight besides Lu talking to me saying she isnt mad, but still hates me? and that she forgives me but she cant forget? I get it...stop saying it please and lets just freaking move on and be friends again! OTHER than that was awesome, went over to C's house at 4 lit candles had everyone over bonfire...AUSSIS GF BROKE UP WITH HIM...tried to hit on me some more. Ji's hug lingered to long had to pull him off of me by pulling the back of his shirt away from me. Think he was a tad bit upset/angry about that.....ohhh wellssieee he always gets over and tries again. Boys never give up.

I REALLY must get this gum that violet was talking about! And also Violet...yea definitely went to the store again today with C and considered stealing...but our friend works there and was hanging out talking to us. Also C definitely does have EDNOS she doesnt know it but she does, shes like 110 pounds tries not to eat eventually binges tries to make herself throw up never can and now wants my diet pills? yes....I think its safe to say we're on the same boat. Goodness i'm obsesseedd with that girl! Yes lulu we have to be 27 apparently, Midwest, Canada is lucky and they're cheaper there...sooo jealous girl! Hazel, Thanks so much! I actually have never really liked my name, and trust me that was just a good day, I'm normally not that good! but thanks girl! Thank you all you wonderfuls :)

I think I'm going to keep doing this returning comments in the next blog piece that way I can respond, its simply easier for me if you understand, sooo if you comment look at the next post for a response :) LOVE YOU BOYS AND GIRLS!!!!

Ugh loving summer, woke up again and worked out this morning, had half an apple, diet pill and took a shower, then had green tea, then work I had a rice crispy treat, and salad with no dressing, one MINI MINI MINI butterfinger bar...ughh so small it barely lasted me, went to hang out with C had lets see...handfull of chips, Oh btw guys like 6 diet cokes today...getting dangerous on the caffeine intake..., half a doughnut anddddd lots of green tea. I think thats it thats when the pills started to kick in I think sooo pretty bad day, I feel so full right now it makes me sick but I seriously cannottt make myself throw up I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME! like I've tried alllll the way down my thought (idk how to spell that...) but I CANT! UGHHH and its not like I can keep trying I need my voice for all the plays and auditions I have, of course my next play (the one for Europe) doesnt start again till the last week of july 24/7 then we leave August 2nd. Then right after that my second plays starts rehersal...literally I think its the next day I get back SAVEEE ME LOVES!

So yes, basically I'm obsessed with every single one of you and am sooo proud of you weather your having a bad week, great week, so so, stuck at the same weight, giving up, retiring, you are wonderful and amazing and you can get through this! and I will support any of you in whatever you choose!

I LOVE YOU ALL!

XoXo Soph XoXo

Got My Pills :)

Hello my beautiful wonderful amazing followers/random people who happened upon my page! Today was a....GOOD DAY!

reason #1: Looked at my ex's wall...girl telling him she tried to text him....hahahahaha ohhh myyy gooodddd absolute fattest ugliest freak looking thing I have seen in my ENTIRE LIFE!

reason #2: woke up had a cup of tea burned 200 calories in a half hour at the gym

reason #3: had a coke zero and some organic basically no cal puffs of chedder things and half a cheese borito thing. soo pretty good day when it comes to that

reason #4: bought 40 new tea packets at the store and almost bought a coffee maker to heat up my tea

reason #5: C comes home tomorrow and everybody was writing on my wall on how excited they are to see me and her! so yayyy!

reason #6: you all are just so amazing

reason #7: no drama night just layed around the house doing crunches watching scary movies eating organic puff things

reason #8: went back to the same store went up to the counter flirted with the guy a lottt went back got my pills told him they were for my mom cause he said i didnt need them and then he gave them to me...you have to be 27 and he knew I was 16. flirting can get you almost anything

LOVEEE TODAYYY

even tho lu has been sending me the most evil one sentence basically 3 word responses to my huge apologetic emails...I apologized I HATEEE that I hurt her but I didnt know that I would, two days before that she even tolddd me to hook up with him, why is it that girls never say what they mean? Its awful that we can't just be honest with one another, we're best friends TELL ME if you dont want me touching him dont FUCKING ENCOURAGE IT! I apologized and beat myself up for it for so long that I'm almost immune to it at this point, please just forgive me and we can be friends running around together talking to complete strangers and telling them theyre cute, meeting guys at 1 am at a church! I MISS THAT! GET OVER IT!

ohhh sweethearts I truely dont know what else to say except I send all my love to you and hope you're all doing well! If you ever want to talk just email me :) tryingperfection@aol.com!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

aren't I obnoxious when I'm happy and tired?

Sweet Dreams!

XoXo Soph XoXo

for the first time, I Feel Wicked!

Yes, any of you who at all know musicals know that line from obviously wicked. I'm a huggeeee theater child and while yes wicked is AMAZING and I love it to death it is not my favorite, my favorite is tied between a billion different but Wicked comes in a close second. I saw wicked tonight and it was as usual amazing! I love it! God I'm such a theater geek. Notice I'm not a gleek, yes I love the show but honestly....not that much where I'd subject myself to that name, sorry gleeks you're just not for me. One of my most embarrassing moments was mistaking Spring Awakening for Rent....yes I am a theater child...

Anyways sweethearts today I researched diet pills after seeing an add for Avila (I think thats it) on tv and decided to get green tea extract, drove up to the walgreens by my house, picked out 2 90 capsule container thingys and went to check out, waited in line, waited in line, waited in line, finally got to the front of the line the lady asked for my id and I gave it to her...You cant buy diet pills underage, quick fix? buy them online? cant...if those get sent to the house I dont even know what my parents would think but there'd be a LOT of curiosity. SOOOO bringing me to my point, anyone know of any diet pills that I can buy over the counter with being 16? On the bright side I did see the cutest coffee cup and although I don't drink coffee I do drink lottsss of green tea! So it works for that yes?

Lulu, in response to yesterdays comment, yes trust me it would be a huggeee judgefes! I think I may have even been judged not even being there! at least Ji didnt hit on me. Although he did realize today that nothing would happen...for the billionth time. Really, Ji, Sweetheart...get a clue I'm telling you nothing will happen. Please for the love of god understand that in your thick, how could you not like me I'm gorgeous, head. Silly boys, what am I to do with you? You drive me crazy...along with sooo many other things!

I'm so excited! Tomorrow I'm going to wake up early, drink my no cal green tea on my porch while reading The Power Of One and then go for a run with my dog! To me that sounds like a relaxing HEAVEN! AND on Monday C comes back from the lake! THANK GOD! I missed that girl! Life is so much more difficult without my confidant!

My Darlings, I bid you goodnight and wish you the best of dreams!

I may go watch law and order SVU now....Am I the ONLY ONE addicted to that show? ughh sooo intriguing!

All The Love I Possess

XoXo Soph XoXo

Super Long Post

Hello you amazing girls and boys! Have you been told I love you lately? cause yea...I LOVE YOU! The comments on yesterdays post made me feel a lot better and you all are so sweet! Thank you so much darlings!

Alright here we go....tonight I am spending my night at home babysitting, my baby brother is asleep in his bed right now and I actually fell asleep while babysitting and he tucked me in, isnt he just the sweetest? I'm so lucky to have him. While I'm here babysitting all my friends are at one of my friends house (his parents are out of town) partying and drinking. I was invited to spend the night at his house after I finished babysitting but I'm pretty sure its best that I dont go considering Ji will be there and will try hitting on me while Lu stands off to the side hating me. And no what I loveeee about the guy hosting the party and his best friend? THEY HATE MY EX they think hes sooo stupid and cant understand why I dated him. Which I dont even think they know but it makes me feel better, aweful isnt it?

C is at the lake with some girls who go to our school, theyre skinny bitches. Anyways I miss her but she'll be back on monday and then we can party it up again, shes another reason why I'm not going tonight, she's my constant support when awful with that group and we're both being judged. Why is she being judged? She hooked up with Aussi, I was there, but sadly he has a gf who then hated C but no worries they worked it out and everyone is friends again but still people will still judge her every move. Not her fault hes unbelievably hot. He's the type of guy who wont really kiss you first but he'll pull you really close and put his hands around your waste and pull you on top of him and pull you onto his lap and put his hands on your legs. I dont know why but for me, that is a HUGEEE turn on.

Ugh I can not wait till I lose more weight because I am going to get the CUTEST hippie dresses and I'm going to look so amazing in them! AH I just cant wait! I'll post a picture of all the dress's I want either later tonight or tomorrow for some reason my uploader isnt working.

I work in a doctors office and I adore my job, I want to be an ER doctor. I know its bad hours and low wages but I feel like thats one of the few areas where I really work on every part of the body and also I know for a fact that I'm not doing it for the money otherwise, really, what is the point of doing it? I work with many nurses who are sweet and funny I absolutely love and adore them.

I will be happy. I'm not sure when but I know eventually I'll wake up and realizes that things in my life are just going right. I cannot wait until that day comes because I still feel like things are falling apart in my life and I just wish there was a quick fix. I could just wish at 11:11 that things will be better and unfortunately things dont really work like that but I keep on wishing because if I dont have that, really what do I have?

I am running out of things to say but I really would just like to say thank you again for listening to my mental breakdown about my ex last night. Just knowing that you guys are out there makes me feel a billion times out there that I have people who support me. Truly you guys are the greatest and I wish the best for all of you!

I'm going to go watch tv before I end up falling asleep on my couch from my true exhaustion maybe I'll even just go to bed now, I'm soo tired! Alright beautiful darlings have lovely dreams!

XoXo Sophia XoXo

What Did I See?

Honestly, I keep on asking myself...What did I see in him?!?! Yes he was sweet and amazing when we were dating but now, honestly all he does is make me feel like shit, billions of girls posting stuff on his wall. makes me feel like shit. my best friend Lu picking me over him. makes me feel like shit. Him changing schools and his parents divorce. makes me feel like shit. He's a jerk to me now but I know that hes really upset and I FEEL BAD FOR HIM? What is wrong with me, I need a therapist, for many other reasons as well but this one completely baffles me. I eventually just had to sign off I couldnt believe it. I shouldnt care, it shouldnt matter! I feel like this is the only place where I feel safe saying I still like him, right after our breakup I thought I was over it, my friends still think I'm over it except I think C and Eme are suspecting things now. But they dont really know. What if I never feel as special as I did with him. What if I never get that feeling like hes so amazing and he likes me. What if another guy never holds me or kisses me like he did. He made me feel special and important but now I just feel aweful! I've never been the love type, never been one for long relationships but I liked him so much and gave the better part of a year to him and now I feel like I lost everything and I dont even know why! I really hope someone cares about me and is right for me and knows and understands me like he did.

Thanks for listening, I really needed to vent after stalking him a bit...not obsessively just looking at his page and seeing all the girls who wrote on there and how beautiful theyre smiles are and how stupid skinny bitches they look like. that sounds mean, it isnt there fault i'm resentful like this...I'm sure they're nice girls...maybe. Oh well he's transferring to a different school but we didnt go to the same schools anyways (i got to all girls, he goes to all boys) and hes transferring to a co-ed)...hopefully it makes it better but I'm not too sure right now. I know I said I'd post more about my job but thats been post poned till tomorrow because of the major breakdown going on inside me right now.

MUCH LOVE AND HUGS

SWEET DREAMS

XoXo Soph XoXo

Silly Boys

MY GOODNESS! Boys are persistent little buggers aren't they! JI will not stop! I'm starting to worry this will really ruin our friendship, normally I can do this and be perfectly normal, no awkward situations but with him he wont stop to the point where I dont know if we ever could be friends again. I'm even questioning weather we were ever really friends!

ALSO I could really use some help either comment or email me at tryingperfection@aol.com BUT Does anyone have advice for night eating, I do soooo well during the day but at night I completely binge like tonight. I cried I ate so much, I was sooo mad at myself for messing up! How will I ever make my ex jealous if I look like THIS! I'm going to wake up tomorrow and go for a run before work! Btw I absolutely love my job (Tomorrows post will be dedicated to me talking about it just FYI). I love how I'm planning my posts now, it keeps me on track and makes sure that I keep on posting and updating otherwise I'll fall of the edge of the earth again!

Oh goodness I love summer! and how the warm sun hits my skin, its memorizing! Also I was burning my candles tonight, they smelt amazing I love them!

BLOGS TO LOOK AT: I'm sure most of you have heard of the blog by control by PrettyWreck but I must say she can write! Her blog helps me so much and I can always relate to something shes posting about! So if you haven't go look at her blog! Happy reading!

Right after this post I'll be updating my friends post and some of my goals, and hopefully some quotes under the inspiration page! So yay! I must say I do enjoy updating this!

LOVE YOU DARLINGS FOREVER

XoXo Soph XoXo

Bliss

Although parts of my life are falling apart with girls being just stupid! I've decided to ignore them, they're not worth it. I am better than them, I mean really I know I'm a fat lard right now but when I'm skinny and beautiful there's nothing they can do to stop me! I will be perfect! I'll have a guy who treats me like a princess, not JI although he is continuing to persist on....its actually becoming a hassle, endearing but complete waste of time. I'll have cute clothes, I'll be putting my wish list up soon! I'll have my room clean and completely organized, clean out my closet! My friends will still be the amazing wonderful people they are today! And I'll be HAPPY!

I went shopping today, got a cute flow-y top that you cant see my humongo stomach and hips in! it makes me actually look skinny and I love it! I also forgot to mention I got the CUTEST set of candles yesterday (yes I am candle obsessed) LOVE THEMMM I got like 9 for $8! Best deal quite possibly ever?!

I bought JI a fish tonight and brought it over to his house, little bit of a joke, he refused my fish so i brought it to my friend EME's house so her baby brother could have it

OH btw I'm going to update a side bar of my friends like JI, C, and EME cause trust me I understand how annoying and confusing it must get. It'll have a mini description of them and they're personality and why I love them so much!

I'm STILL slowly but surely adding bits and pieces to my blog thing (I'm not quite sure what to call it cause its not so much a blog in my mind as a journal which just so happens I can share and get your lovely feedbacks!) so be patient more is coming!

I always feel so much better after posting all of this, its like a weight off my shoulders!

Anyways early morning again for me tomorrow

Sweet Dreams Beautifuls!

XoXo Soph XoXO

New Blog Style?

Hey Pretties!

Another day has gone by, and as you can see (if you have been following me for a bit) that my blog looks NEW. Well not new new but new layout new pages ect ect. TELL ME HOW YOU LIKE IT! better? worse? advice? something you want? I've added some new pages, the page it opens to is my journal (what you're reading now) and all my day to day posts. Upcoming pages (still working on it are Goals and Measurements which is where I'll put my current weight all of my measurements, what I'd like to be in both weight and measurements, my BMI, my fat content (which I can with sure confidence right now is farrr to high!) I added Tips and Inspiration where I'll put quotes, tips, possibly thinspiration, we'll see what else, you never know :). and Last (for right now) I have questions, where you can go and ask me whatever you'd like and I'll do my best to respond. I'll try and check that page almost everyday even if I dont leave a journal entry!

My day today

I went out with my friend C tonight went over to her house got all cute and ready. keep in mind I was looking prettier cause I hadn't eaten yet today and then we went out and met up with some friends...I had a lot of whip cream which i'll explain but it was bad. like 10-15 mouthfuls of whip cream bad. on the bright side thats all I ate but the fat content and calorie content... through the roof. it makes me sick just thinking about it. I wanted to throw it up and I tried but apparently I have no gag reflexes....which means id be good at somethings....but bad at binge purge thing

so that was annoying but i basically just ran around all night and tried to have a blast. When I got home I got BITCHED OUT like majorly by some stupid girl saying I'm a slut and a whore...funny cause most people think I'm kinda prude...but thanks you beotch. haha never said beotch before. did I spell it right? Its funny cause I thought me and this girl were friends

anyways here in the Midwest its 12 and I must wake up at 4 so I can get a workout before work.

I apologize ahead of time for any spelling errors...or grammar. grammar is probably worse, I've never been too great at it. I'm very tired so its probably even worse

Anyways Beautiful's

Goodnight and Sweet Dreams!

Thank you for all the support!

XoXo Sophia XoXo

Vegetarian, The Way To Go

Hello Darlings,
Today is June 20, 2010. I am now a vegetarian. Yes I love animals, I was a vegetarian when I was little, yes I am a complete hippy (wear hippy clothes, listen to chill music for the most party, do stuff like run around the park painted blue for diversity with one other friend (YES I DID DO THIS)) but also OH MY GOD it helps with weight so much, i'm forced to eat nothing or a few things of lettus. This morning, being fathers day for us here I'm going to brunch, bacon, ham, omlets, yummmm but wait...I cant eat that not because I'm ana but because I'm a vegetarian. my parents dont complain or notice now when I'm not eating they just give me a protein pill. I definitely recommend this! One of my best friends (I forget if I have mentioned her before but lets call her C) is being vegetarian with me. Shes suppppeeerrr skinny and beautiful and truthfully I think she's ANA but I cant ask her cause if shes not...well that could be bad.
JI kissed me...again...kinda kissed him back. My ex hates me but you know what...he dumped me and I'm of course not going to do this again with JI, even tho I must say...he's definitely not bad...at all. But I'm not gonna let some guy who said he didnt want me tell me I can't do something. YAY for me!
Lets see what else...
I need cute clothes! Rompers, very popular now. At first I must say I didnt like them much but now idk...I think they could be cute? SO I'm thinking shopping spree, after I lose 10 pounds. I'm back to 127 I was 125 for a while so when I am 117 I'll go shopping and then when i'm 110 I will again and 105 and 100 and so and so on.
Oh I'm so excited to lose weight!
XoXo Soph XoXo
ps. I've missed you all :)

It's Been a Week

hello beautifuls!!! :)

UPDATESSS!

THE EX: He hasn't been optimal. He recommended that I went out with that guy I told you about last time (the best friend), JI who is one of his best friends. Which truthfully I took a tad offensive because he shouldn't want anyone to be dating me, he should want me. Anyways sooo turns out JI does like me! But no worries nothings changed I don't like him. and the ex..who knew this before I did decided to get into a tad bit of a fight. A couple punches later they cooled off and we're good. I talked to JI he knows nothings happening and I'm thinking I should avoid the ex for a while but i'm not sure, thoughts?

NEW PROSPECTS: At the time...I'm afraid to say I don't have many prospects. Its just the same boys that I've hung out with all along, yes they're fun and sweet but they're like my best friends not boyfriend material exactly.

FRIENDS: Lovely, although they do cause me to eat...but they are amazing and I can't wait till this summer when all it is, is me and my beautiful girls! This weekend was allll girls nights. I have so much more time to spend with them now that i don't have a boyfriend, its a hugeee plus!

DRIVING: Going great, haven't gotten in an accident so I suppose that means I'm doing well

EXAMS: FINAL EXAMS NEXT WEEK! and then summer, but I have to get through the stupid exams first...wish me luck!

SUMMER: 8 more days!

ALERT I'VE BEEN DUMPED

yes...its true....I have been let go, I've been DUMPED

twice now actually

god a lott has happened since I've been on here. We broke up (mutual) and then he cried...a lot and we got back together, I thought okay he realizes what its like without me and he realized he doesn't like it. but no. I was oh so very wrong, one week later....may I say (right after my sixteenth birthday) he dumps me....

not to sound self absorbed but frankly I dont really get dumped, I've never been dumped! and I loveeedd it that way. I felt in control, like I had power. And now that is gone. and yes I miss him...a lot... and it sucks like i thought this guy was, I hate to say different because it sounds so cliche but he was. He was soo outgoing and I thought he really cared about me. But I guess not. We broke up because every once and a while we would fight...as most every couple does but he didnt like it....at all. and he didnt care enough to work through these little fights of ours, ergo he didnt care enough about me, right?

Oh well, I willll move on as I always do, it was a week ago after all I should be onto a new boy but all I have now are my amazing guy-friends. (one of which lets call himm....JI (long story to why I chose that)) but JI who just so happens to be my ex's best friend, I think he may like me...but I should also add he dated my best friend sooo its safe to say nothing will be happening with JI.

My sixteenth birthday...I CAN DRIVE, and I am and I HAVE A CAR

anyways totallyyy psyched about allll of that

oh and I figured out

ANA and breakups for me go well because it makes me want to show him what hes missing...lose the weight look hot as hell and make him want me but as the great movie He's Just Not That Into You says:

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all of your qualities, and told you that he was in no longer need of your company.

I think its safe to say after this reference, he's just not that into me and i shouldn't waste my time when he asks for me back, you know with me losing weight and looking hot as hell. I'm 126 just so you know :)

I LOVE AND ADORE YOU ALL

XoXo Sophia XoXo

I Know, I Know

I've been gone for SOOO long, it feels like I haven't posted in forevverrr!~but I'm back :)

last exam = tomorrow over by 12:30 but its math which is ICKKKK god I hate it!

and to be honest I've been horrible, I've been eating every couple of hours, not much but still enough to make me fattttttt fatttt fat! luckily with exams over it'll all be great! some how in the means of eating eating and eating I've lost two pounds 129? how is this possible? god must be just blessing me to death. unfortunately losing the two pounds is not showing at all I still look awful. and I HAVEEE to look absolutely ridiculously awesome by Saturday cause I'm going shopping with one of my best friends and then to a party sooo lets hope I loose this extra poundage!

anyways hope none of you have these horrendous exams and if you do your doing amazing! oh and I hope your weekend was more eventful then mine, just studying!

You all are BEAUTIFUL and I love youuu!!!

Tip of The Day :)

Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you want to eat. I stole this tip off an website forever ago and it really works! Its classic conditioning, it was done by Pavlov (can you tell I know my bio!)

Have a great day everyone!

XOXO Sophia XOXO

When the Fighters All Around.... LUPEEE!

Another stressful day to say the very least!!!

God life is pretty much hard all around! Schedule fro tomorrow:

Spanish - 1 essay in Spanish (8 paragraphs)

Chemistry - test

Math - test Monday and lots of homework tonight

Presentation - 1 power point presentation to present during class

world history - test on 3 chapters (which we learned in 1 week exactly)

LAST PERIOD FREE (which I wont even need cause today was the stressful day)

I feel sooo stupid when studying adv. chem FML HELP MEEEE!

The boyfriend has been getting on my nerves lately and I have to go to his game tomorrow and his dad is gonna be there, parents freak me OUT!!! HELPPP

Luckily I have a new music artist to help me get through the tough times, Lupe Fiasco - he sings the song Fighters, which I can TOTALLY relate to!

Today was a pretty good day eating wise, 2 (50 cal) granola bars and a apple

tips of the day!

Most of you may know this but.... DRINK GREEN TEA!

LOVE YOU!

XOXO Soph XOXO

ps. check out my thinspo blog www.totalthinspo.blogspot.com

Missed A Day AND STRESSSS

Sorry I missed yesterdays post guys! but these past two days have been sooooo stressful!!!! tonight I have to write two English papers that are due Wednesday but I have to write tonight because I'm gonna have some friends make corrections for me! I have two MAJOR tests on Wednesday, both of which I know nothing about the subjects so I have to learn it tonight and study/memorize it tomorrow!

I didn't get home till 6 because of play practice and then I went to the gym (burned 480 calories, my intake today was 400 flat).

Meanwhile the couple that my boyfriend and I always hang out with broke up like an hour ago and both of them are freaking out and making me super worried cause I'm best friends with them BOTH! Custody battle much???

God life can be soo demanding don't you think?

Hope you all don't have as much to do as me!

XOXO Sophia XOXO

ps. sorry no tips today (I barely had time to jot this down)

My Family Is Crazyyyyy!

Hello you beautiful skinny people!

So today I was awful I had a roast beef sandwich, Pepsi, and cheese and crackers! Which is disgusting. I feel so guilty after I eat, I really need to remember that feeling before i do because it makes me not want to ever eat again! I am cracking down tomorrow! which should actually be pretty easy cause I have a huge busy schedule - out with a friend, play practice and then a play dinner (one that I will be not eating cause I'm "sick")

So the boyfriend came over today and met all my family! At first, I must admit it was prettyyy awkward but he did GREAT! They all LOVED him! And I'm invited over to his house tomorrow night for dinner for his sisters birthday but I can't as previously stated wayyy to busy!

Wish me luck tomorrow! I KNOW I will stay strong!

THE TIP OF THE DAY!

Make a list of safe foods and stick with them! also if you do your own shopping & have your own fridge/mini fridge fill it with only the safe foods! that way there's ZERO temptation!

LOVE YOU ALL!

XOXO Sophia XOXO

ps. continue to check out the new complete thinspo blog! www.totalthinspo.blogspot.com/

new TOTAL thinspo blog!

Hey guys so I've decided to make this more my diary blog! As well as a new picture or tip everyday! HOWEVER, I've also just created a NEW BLOG!!! Where I'll put up a new thin tip, thin book, thin recipe, thin movie, thin video, basically EVERYTHING. And yes I'm still keeping this blog open and I'll continue doing the same things but start to follow my NEW COMPLETE THINSPO blog too! The link is http://totalthinspo.blogspot.com/ Thanks to you all! You're the Best!

Nothing new today, It's a Friday so i went to school, studied enough to last me a lifetime, went to track, went out to dinner (had three chips and HOT salsa and complained about having a stomach ache, bought my friend some fish (longgg story! LOL!), babysat the three CUTEST kids in the world! and now laying on my bed talking to all of you!

AND I have three more brilliant tips to give you all!

1. drink water every hour on the hour. I do this because at times i forget how many I've had that day and how much i should drink so i drink at least 1 every hour exactly on the hour. 16 oz!

2. when your fasting and your feeling like a binge is coming up then lie to yourself, tell yourself your only fasting for today and the next day just tell youself to put it off for one more day and so on and so on. This way you make it seem better than it is and don't think too far ahead of yourself!

3. hot showers make me loose my appetite while cold water burns calories what I do is I split the time 20 minutes cold and 10 hot you should always have cold water at the beginning and hot water at the end. note that cold showers burn up to 200 calories a minute I think or per 15 minutes

talk to you all tomorrow and tell you how my family party went! LOVE YOU ALL!

XOXO Sophia XOXO

I'm Sorry I've Been AWFUL!

Thinspo For The Day

This one is actually a personal FAV!

Hey Guys!

I know! I've been absolutely HORENOUSSS lately! its been at least a month and i sincerly apologize, my mother went seriously crazy an took away literally everything from me cause I wasnt eating and forced me to eat! I'M NOW 130!!1 THAT'S DISGUSTING!

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!!!

I feel so disgusting, I can feel the fat just engulfing me!

Anyways Update!!!!

Boyfriend=5 months!

Friends=still amazing beautiful girls who I wish I looked like. I have the serious problem of big hips and big boobs! I HATE IT!

Mother = still INSANE

OHHH and that one girl I mentioned...well lets just say she's taken care of and knows her place :)

but theres a new one unfortunately who THINKS she can just join MY group and she hasn't really done anything to me but shes such a HOEEE and I don't want that type in my group! GET THIS! She met a guy at a hockey game, slept with him in the back of his truck (the same night) he didn't use a condom, and gave her $60 for the morning after pill!!!! YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING, RIGHT? A. I'm pro life B. Thats borderline prostitute!

And you know how I said I've never been in a sexual relationship! WELL now I have! Still not sex but i mean 3rd? thats good right?

Unfortunately on Saturday my boyfriend has to come over and meet my WHOLE family (I'm talking aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins), what am i thinking? my immediate family is enough crazy I don't need the whole thing! Anyways WISH ME LUCK! (god knows I'm gonna need it)

XOXO Sophia XOXO

Owl City

Thinspiration for the day! :

Tip Of the Day!:

Pick one food for the day, like an apple. Cut it into 8 slices. Eat 2 slices at breakfast, 2 at lunch, 2 at dinner, and you'll have 2 left for a snack. This way your body thinks it's eating 4 times that day, but in reality you've only had 1 apple. The next day pick another food. Make sure it's only 1 serving that you split up into 3 or more throughout the day.

Last night, I was to go to an owl city concert with my boyfriend and some of our friends! But unfortuantely one of the band members got sick so the show is postponed (idk when its postponed to). But the fact that I was going to a concert with my boyfriend made me not went to eat and I did sooo great yesterday! all I had was a smoothie that night! and it was a fruit smoothie that was healthy and had no calories or fat!

I really like him, although I've never had a really sexual relationship, like I'm almost 16 and I've never gone farther than being felt up! My friends all make fun of me for it too! haha! but we were texting later that night and he said "talk dirty to me" and I had absolutely NO CLUE what to say! lol! I had no idea! So basically I simply avoided that conversation but god! I need some advice for when this comes up again! But I do really like him, cause he challenges me, he's the first guy I've dated thats not completely whiped over me and I dont know what to do cause I cant get him to do whatever I want! I dont mean to sound like in love with my self but still its different for me!

Its Never Been So Hard

Thinspiration for the day:

its a tad blurry but if you click on the picture it comes our much much better and bigger

Today started off great, lots of water, only itsy bitsy porportions of fruits and a few vegitables, had a tiny bit of chicken too (had to get in the protein)and i was doing great! I had play practice and I was on a roll! But then I got a really bad headache, took a bunch of medicine, and started eating without even noticing it! and I was doing SOOO WELL! I hate it when I do something stupid like that and throw it all away! I'm telling you, I need like a constant reminder! Any Ideas?

Anyways I want to be MY BEST! That means be skinny, be confindent, get great grades, know what I'm doing in theatre (perform great), be able to handle all this stress, not get grounded, let my nails grow (i'm a CONSTANT biter...they look disgusting!), be great girlfriend, and a great friend! There's so much I want to do and want to be, I just dont know how to handle it all!

Some More About Me: I get GOOD greats, not great, but good, my average this semester was like a 90 which...could be soooo much better! especially in math and chemistry, i actually have a math test tomorrow that i'm feeling doomed for (guess who'll be up studying all nighttt!!!) I have amazing friends that are all great for sooo many different things! Theres my best friend who I can talk to about anything, my friend who's alllll about the boys, my dancer friend, my friend who has my back about ANYTHING (I mean she'll go completely out of her way to destroy a girl who so much as looks at me in a way that she doesnt find fit), my friend that knows everything, my friend that has "experience" and sooo much more! I have a boyfriend, letsss call himm....B? (sorry guys no real names except mine) but we've been dating for 2 1/2 months, hes hilarious, funny, likes great music, is fun to talk to, always himself (like he'll do the most obnoxious but still very cute things), and i really like him. Which is weird because I'm sorta a commitment phob, like i'm terrified, but not so much with him. I'd still never say I love you before 6 months (its just me) but still thats still a HUGE improvement!

Thats all for now! GTG study that stupid math!

XoXo Sophia XoXo

Begining Of My Story

I'm Sophia!

This is my online journal! It is my first one! I'm desperately trying to lose weight! My weight right now is at 130! Which is aweful since i'm at 5 foot 7! My bmi says that i'm EXACTLY normal, right inbetween actually, but I WANT to be 110! All of my friends are extreamly skinny dancers and I wish to be too!

I'm a sophmore at a highschool, all girls, borinngggg!!! I guess you could say I'm a tad boy crazy...But not really! I used to just be all over the place, new guy I liked every week, ect ect. but now I have a boyfriend who I do really like! We've been going out for 2 and 1/2 months exactly today! Yayy!

I do theatre, I'm in two plays right now! I'm in thespian club! and I just got back from an actors conference! It's not what I want to do later on in life, I'd like to go into medicine, I really just do it for fun! I would say I do it to relieve stress but really, it adds a whole lot more just because i'm always spending 5 to 6 hours of my day at rehersal, it has officially taken over my life!
I have a huge group of friends who I adore! They're amazing, but really, I have this need for everything to be perfect! I guess I have a problem with wanting people to worship me...but I deserve it!

Of course, with every all girls school you have some rather...."catty" (should be the nice word for it) girls! Now, I'm fine with that as long as they're not "catty" to me, then it evolves into an issue! The only girl who's ever done that is this one girl...she's ugly to begin with, she has a "catty" personality, and goes behind almost everyones back and lies...you can understand I dont like this, but I'm taking care of it! I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet but its going to be gooodddd! She is madly in love with my boyfriend...but its best to leave him out of this one i think, or at least make it LOOK like it! God you'd think I came out of the movie mean girls!
Off to rehersal!

I'm becoming anorexic. Its my choice, if you'd like you may leave this blog now! But its what I am! If you would like an ana buddy leave a post with you email and i'll email you!

XoXo Sophia XoXo